LEADERSHIP SERIES - RELATIONSHIPS
This is part of a series of blogs, posts and articles on managing change. Please feel free to comment, add feedback or perhaps share your own experiences, recommended reading or favourite resources from the internet.
If you want to meet to discuss any of the elements mentioned here please don’t hesitate to get in touch. Tim Mob 447797762051
When consulting, leading or managing it is important to think about the process, content and the relationship.
We need to improve communication
How can we do better? The answer is simple, but its implementation is not. We would have to do three things: 1) do less telling; 2) learn to do more asking in the particular form of Humble Inquiry; and 3) do a better job of listening and acknowledging. Talking and listening have received enormous attention via hundreds of books on communication. But the social art of asking a question has been strangely neglected.
How Does Asking Build Relationships?
Telling puts the other person down. It implies that the other person does not already know what I am telling and that the other person ought to know it. On the other hand, asking temporarily empowers the other person in the conversation and temporarily makes me vulnerable.
Here are some thoughts on relationships
Level Minus One: Negative hostile relationship, exploitation
Examples: Prisoners, POWs, slaves, members of different cultures, elderly or emotionally ill people, the victims or marks for criminals or con men
Level One: Acknowledgment, civility, transactional and professional role relations
Examples: Strangers on the street, seatmates on trains and planes, service people whose help we need, professional helpers such as doctors and lawyers Comment: We do not know one another as individuals but treat one another as fellow humans whom we trust to a certain degree not to harm us and with whom we have polite levels of openness in conversation. Professional helpers such as doctors and lawyers fall into this category because their role definition requires them to maintain a “professional distance.”
Level Two: Recognition as a unique person
Examples: People whom we know as individuals, co-workers, clients, bosses or subordinates whom we have gotten to know personally but not intimately through common work or educational experiences, casual friendships Comment: This kind of relationship implies a deeper level of trust and openness in terms of (1) making and honoring commitments and promises to each other, (2) agreeing not to undermine each other or harm what we are endeavoring to do, and (3) agreeing not to lie to each other or withhold information relevant to our task.
Level Three: Close friendships, love, and intimacy Examples: Relationships with strong positive emotions”
Humble Consulting: How to Provide Real Help Faster
by Edgar H. Schein http://amzn.eu/3o4Nhdr
GET IN CONTACT
If you to discuss these ideas or anything related to consulting, leading or managing please get in touch.
Tim HJ Rogers
Senior Consultant / Project Manager
Mob 447797762051 Skype timhjrogers Twitter @timhjrogers
Adapt Consulting Company - Consult, CoCreate, Deliver
Business Analysis – Projects – Processes – Programmes